The Communication Card
Why "We Just Need Better Communication" Rarely Solves the Real Problem
Church leaders have a phrase that functions a little like duct tape. It fixes almost everything… at least in theory. Whenever something feels messy, confusing, or uncomfortable, we reach for it.
“We just need better communication.”
It’s remarkable how often that sentence appears, usually spoken with great sincerity and a quiet sense of relief. Because if the problem is communication, then the solution is obvious. Explain it again. Send another email. Clarify the announcement. Maybe update the website while we’re at it.
And if that doesn’t work… well, perhaps the message just needs to be repeated one more time. After all, if the bulletin, email, website, Sunday announcement, and social media post didn’t solve the problem, surely the sixth attempt will do the trick! So, within moments, the group has found a diagnosis that feels both reasonable and actionable.
Communication.
Except it rarely works that way.
Another email goes out. The announcement is clarified. The explanation is repeated in slightly different words. And yet the same questions surface again. The same concerns remain. The same tension quietly lingers in the room.
Over time I’ve begun to notice something. Sometimes when we say “communication,” we aren’t really talking about communication at all.
What We Sometimes Mean When We Say “Communication”
Sometimes what we mean is that we hoped people would respond differently to a decision that has already been made. Sometimes we mean that we wish everyone understood why the plan made sense from our perspective. And occasionally (though we don’t always admit it out loud) the word communication becomes a way of reaching for the illusion of control when things begin to feel uncertain.
Leadership scholar Ron Heifetz describes this dynamic in his work on adaptive change. When leaders encounter challenges that require people to learn, adjust, or let go of familiar patterns, the instinct is often to apply a technical solution instead. Technical solutions feel productive because they are concrete: We can send another message, share another explanation, clarify the plan one more time. They also make us feel more in control. But adaptive challenges rarely dissolve because the email was written more clearly. They require people to wrestle with change together.
Edwin Friedman made a similar observation about anxious systems. When tension rises, groups often increase explanation and reassurance in an attempt to settle the anxiety. The motion feels productive, but motion is not always the same as progress.
In many churches, that motion is instinctively reaching for clearer explanations, assuming that better information will solve the tension. But leadership in a community of faith is not only about transmitting information – it’s also about the formation of people, habits, and relationships over time. It’s about shaping the kind of people we are becoming together.
Communication transmits information; formation shapes people.
And this is where the example of Jesus quietly reframes the conversation.
Jesus Doesn’t Try to Eliminate Confusion
In Matthew 13, Jesus’ own followers ask a question that sounds surprisingly modern. After hearing another story told in metaphor, the disciples ask him directly, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”
It is a fair question. Parables are not the most efficient communication strategy. They leave room for interpretation. They provoke curiosity rather than delivering tidy conclusions. And, if Jesus’ primary goal had been eliminating confusion, he probably would have chosen a more straightforward teaching method.
But Jesus was not simply transferring information. He was forming people. Parables created space for listeners to wrestle with meaning, to reflect, to see themselves differently. The goal was not perfect clarity in the moment; the goal was transformation over time.
Seen through that lens, many of the moments we label as communication problems may actually be something else. They may be moments when people are grappling with change, wrestling with identity, or trying to understand how a decision fits into the larger story of who a community is becoming.
The Futuring Church* Lens
From a Futuring Church perspective, that distinction matters. Communication certainly has a place in healthy leadership, but it is rarely the silver bullet we imagine it to be. When a team assumes that better messaging will solve a deeper tension, it can unintentionally bypass the slower work of discernment, learning, and alignment.
Healthy teams learn to pause when the communication diagnosis appears and ask a different set of questions. Instead of immediately asking how to say something more clearly, they begin by asking what outcome they are hoping communication will produce. They become curious about what people might actually be wrestling with beneath the surface. They consider whether the moment might be inviting the community to grow, learn, or adapt together.
In healthy teams, the word “communication” becomes less of a solution and more of a signal. It’s an invitation to pause and ask what might really be happening beneath the surface.
Leadership Practice
Playing the Communication Card: A Three-Move Pause
The next time someone says, “I think the problem is communication,” resist the urge to immediately rewrite the announcement or send another email. Instead, invite the team into a brief three-step pause that helps move the conversation from fixing to formation.
1. Name What We’re Hoping Communication Will Do
Start by gently surfacing the assumption behind the statement.
Ask: “If communication worked perfectly, what would we hope people would do differently?”
Often, the answer reveals the real expectation—agreement, compliance, reassurance, or understanding. Naming the hoped-for outcome helps the team recognize what they are actually trying to accomplish.
2. Ask What Might Really Be Happening
Once the expectation is visible, move one layer deeper.
Ask: “What might people actually be wrestling with right now?”
Sometimes the issue is not confusion at all. It may be uncertainty about change, grief over something ending, disagreement about direction, or anxiety about the future. This question helps the team move from a technical diagnosis to an adaptive one.
3. Choose a Response That Forms the Community
Finally, reconnect the moment to formation.
Ask: “What response would help form the kind of church we believe God is calling us to become?”
Instead of simply fixing the message, the team begins practicing Spirit-centered leadership, covenant relationships, and shared discernment. Communication may still play a role, but now it flows from deeper understanding rather than replacing it.
Over time, this simple pause helps teams learn the difference between explaining more and discerning more. And that shift quietly reshapes how a community learns to lead together.
Duct tape holds things together for a while. Formation is what helps a faith community become whole.
Breath Prayer:
Inhale: Open our ears to your Spirit… Exhale: Teach us to listen beneath the words.
Amen. Make it so.
(See Last Week’s Post on Becoming AND Doing)
The Futuring Church is a leadership framework that helps faith communities practice Spirit-centered discernment, cultivate healthy team culture, and experiment faithfully toward God’s emerging future.
Sources & Influences
Ronald Heifetz – Adaptive Leadership
Edwin Friedman – A Failure of Nerve